Years ago, my friends and I had a summer tradition where we would all go to Great Adventure, one of the many theme parks that exist in my area. For me, the day was more about being with my friends than the actual destination, because anyone who knows me would tell you that I have no interest in going on most rides. It didn't bother me to sit on the sidelines, or watch people's things as they went on the rides - it was my choice to not participate in the actual activities during those days. I could have gone on rides if I wanted to - I wasn't injured, wasn't sick, knew all about the safety record of theme parks, etc.
How does this relate to holidays and Gastroparesis? It seems to me, just by reading Facebook posts and blogs, that many family members of those who are sick think it should be like the theme park example above: If you are sick, just don't eat! Come anyway. You are hiding behind your illness in order to avoid the holiday season.
If only that were true - as described above, everything I did was by choice. In the case of holidays and serious illness, there is no choice. You don't have a choice to put a big blob of mashed potatoes on your dinner plate, or grab a slice of cranberry sauce. Your body physically doesn't allow you to do so. Using my example above, when I was at my sickest point in 2007-2008, if we were still doing the trips at that time, I wouldn't have been able to go. That wouldn't have really been my choice - my choice would have been to go - it was forced upon me: My body wouldn't have physically been able to do so.
It isn't really as easy as "Just go and see your family". It is "Just go, see your family, and watch them partake in the activity that makes you so sick." There is also a mental aspect to the whole situation , as well. As a patient, you don't want people to walk on eggshells. You don't want them to think twice about eating a piece of pecan pie in front of you. And of course, there is that feeling that "What if I do eat something, then need to throw up five minutes later?" You want them to enjoy their holiday without the added effect of feeling guilty eating in front of someone who can't.
Just talking to Colleen about this situation is enlightening in its own right. Talk to your loved one if they are having a difficult time during this time of the year. Do not attempt to force their hand - be impartial to the situation - leave the ball in their court whether or not they want to attempt to visit family and/or friends during this time. Colleen feels all the emotions I am sure many of you feel - where a simple Facebook picture can make her sad, or the thoughts of another year missed with the people she loves makes her angry about the disease. Then, of course, reading the "after holiday" posts about all that went right on that day, when she is feeling that everything in her life is just wrong (Obviously, I am not saying to not post these things on Facebook if you know someone who is sick. I am just simply pointing out the type of emotions they can bring out in someone who is sick and reading them. These emotions are real. I remember when my dad was going through his cancer treatments that he would sometimes talk of watching his grandson earn a varsity letter in baseball - he didn't get to see that day, but it was something he saw in the future that he may not be able to get to see - as I have said many times, I don't equate any disease to any other, but the emotions they bring out can be similar. When Colleen sees Thanksgiving and Christmas on the horizon, that feeling of the fact that she may not get to experience them with her family yet again brings out the emotions. Of course, Christmas 2013 has yet to come, so the hope that this evil thing inside of her will get better within the next month is still very much alive. ) As a loved one, if you have trouble understanding this, it is as simple as this: Think back to when your patient was healthy. Did they ever miss Thanksgiving, Christmas, or whatever holidays you happen to celebrate? Do you think that one day they woke up and just decided they no longer want to partake in those festivities? Colleen is more of a warm weather person than a cold weather person, but this time of year still rated very high on her list of favorites.
I do want to say that, from a personal standpoint, I don't get the sense from my family or her family that they feel in any way that Colleen is avoiding the holidays for reasons beyond being ill. I see a sincerity when they ask me about Colleen and how she is doing, how the latest trips to the doctor have fared, and what is going on in the future - but I do read the Facebook posts from people who say their families do have the resentment. And families who tell their loved one to not even show up because the throwing up after eating "sets a bad example for their children". It just makes me angry - and I am beyond the years where I easily get angry - to read those types of things. They have absolutely no idea how the sick person is feeling - how much torture this time of year can be. Their sick loved ones only wish they could once again have a choice, because if they did, the choice would be an easy one: Partake in the festivities. If only it were that simple.
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